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This one is going to start out a little...well a lot sad, and then you will probably start yelling at me to pull my head out of my ass.  I'm going to go ahead and tell you to brace yourselves now...it isn't going to happen, so try to keep it down or the neighbors are going to get upset.

Alrighty, so the sad news is that my wonderful boss lost her baby the other day.  She was due in about four months, but last week she started leaking amniotic fluid and the doctors put her on bed rest.  Here's the thing about my dearest Kimmy-kins...her+bed rest=lots and lots of stress because she hates being stagnant. Well, the thing about the baby-making process is that stress isn't such a great thing.  Unfortunately, she started bleeding the other day and the doctors sent her home because there was nothing they could do, but then she started bleeding the next day again.  She sent us a text that said "I'm in labor now it's too soon for the baby to survive."  What do you say to that?!  I wanted to just cry for her.  She just started getting excited about this baby and then he was taken from her four months before she ever got to see him.  I'm sure it would have been so much more difficult for her if he had been carried to full term only for her to loose him then.  Now she says she is coming back to work next week and we are all super concerned.  I mean, I get it, she probably doesn't want to be left alone with her thoughts for too long and work will definitely take her mind off that.  However, she JUST lost a baby and I can't help to think that she isn't dealing with things that she needs to deal with.  I wish there were some way to help her, but I know there is nothing I can say that will take the pain away.  We have decided to just try and make work the best place in the world for her and we are going to try and make sure she knows we would do just about anything for her.

So that was the sad news.  I know, I want to cry too and it has nothing to do with the alcohol I am currently consuming.  Now onto the part that requires surgery that would remove my head from my ass.  Guess what the subject is.  Andrew?  How did you know?!  I'm that obvious?  How pathetic.  Aaaaannnndddd....I'm over it.  Yup, you guessed, I still love everything about him.  I have no idea if he's still dating that girl, but honestly, the mood I'm in right now, I just don't give a shit.  I would still screw him and say come what may.  All I am actually asking for here is just a kiss.  I really don't think that's too much to ask for.  I mean seriously, he smiles at me and I MELT like ice cream on the summer sidewalk.  He just keeps looking at me like he wants to slam me up against a wall and have his way with me, which, for the record, I am beyond ok with.  At his sister's bridal shower this last Saturday, I was basically holding a baby the entire time and he kept staring at me with a smile or strange look on his face.  If ever there were a time for those telepathic powers to kick in, that was it, but no.  I am left with far too much to ponder and way too much time in which to do so.  I  don't know if he still has as strong of feelings for me as I do him, but that is the question I really, REALLY want answered.  Of course, I still love him very much.  Most of my spare time and dreams/fantasies are about him, which just goes to show how incredibly pathetic I really am.  I can't stop thinking about him.  I try so hard and it never works.  I know I promised to keep him out of my thoughts and dreams, but we all knew I would be a big fatty failure face on that one.  I had to drop off a movie for Adam tonight so he could copy it and I just kept hoping that I would get to see Andrew all damn day.  Its really gross, but I just can't help it.  How do you fall out of love when you don't even know how you fell in love in the first place?! Am i just doomed to dream about him until the day I die?  I think that would be WILDLY unfair....  Tonight, I did a freaking happy dance just because his car was outside his house when I got there.  Then he started messing with me and I swear, I almost shat myself, I was so happy.  Yes, shitting yourself, is now a sign of true love...take notes.  I don't think I want to lose this feeling.  It's too amazing.  It keeps me smiling like and idiot even if it drives me batshit crazy...the good far outweighs the bad here.  I just want a taste...just one...unless that isn't enough, then I will probably get super greedy, but let's cross that bridge if we ever get to it--please let me get to it.

In news that will probably be music to your ears...well eyes.  I am going to start seeing a therapist.  I think it will be good for me if only to talk to someone who is totally unbiased.  I know I need help keeping my emotions in check because I can't keep having these crazy ass mood swings.  I feel like maybe if I just talk to some random third party about every thing that is bouncing around in my brain maybe it won't make me feel so freaking bonkers.  I know this is a long shot, but it is way better than sitting about with my thumb up my bum--yeah I went Canadian on you there, eh.

Other than that stuff, my life is actually pretty boring....Oh!  I did get into ASU for this upcoming Fall, so that is super exciting.  I just have to call them to make sure because I haven't gotten my letter yet and that is FREAKING me out.  Just another thing to go over with certified specialist with.  Not that this doesn't help, but let's face it, you kids are not here to actually help.  You are here because some of the shit that you read is somewhat amusing.  Don't worry, I won't quit my day job just yet....  This is the only place I can spew and not care if you guys judge me.  I am fully aware that it is very likely happening as I type this, but I have no proof and that keeps me happy.

Your true blonde,
K