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Dear men in my life,
I don't understand you and I wish I could simply give up on trying, but that seems to be an impossible feat. Why is it so incredibly difficult for you to see that all I really want is a conversation every once and a while. I just want to know that you think of me from time to time. I want to feel wanted...to feel cherished, but neither one of you seem to be able to do that. Isn't it pathetic? Here I sit wishing either of you would talk to me...shockingly, not so much Andrew right now as the other. I swear I tried to stay unattached, but his personality made that impossible. It's not like I've fallen for him, but I can't even attempt to convey how much I just miss talking to him. Just joking around. Yeah, I miss the sex talks too...those were fun, but mostly, just the everyday kind of talk we used to do. This guy has turned my heart or brain in knots and I can't seem to untangle them. He's a great guy, but how am I supposed to just accept that he doesn't seem to want me anymore after telling me he's wanted me since high school? That's not fair. I wish I could be as unaffected by his absence and his apparent reticence to even attempt to maintain a conversation with me as he is, but I'm not. I want it back. I don't know what i'm going to do about him, but i'll try to keep this updated.
In closing, boys...you are dumb and its hurting me now, so just give me a little clarification and we can all go home happier people.
Sincerely,
Saddened and Lonely K

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Hia kiddos!  I sure hope your life hasn't been too boring in my absence. (Yes, that was sarcasm. No, I don't give myself that much credit.  To assume that I am your soul source of entertainment would be ridiculous...and make you look really pathetic, which I'm sure you're not.)

What have I been up to since my last post?  Hmmm...well I failed some classes at SCC, and by fail I mean I got a C and a D, the other two were As, so we're good.  I figured that since ASU didn't actually need the transcripts for that last semester and I really didn't want to go to those classes, who cares, right?  Yeah, that'll probably come back to bit me in the ass.  Until that happens...moving on.  I did get my id for ASU...I look like crap, oh well, only hundreds of people are likely to see it.  Here's what keeps me from "accidentally" losing it and going to get another one...that crappy, Crappy, CRAPPY picture is going to make me look really good in person.  DAY SAVED BY LOGIC!  Let's see...what else?  I keep losing track of where I was planning on going with this.  Obviously, the new plan is just to spew every thought I have while I write this.

Boy news:  There are two, well there where when I started this a week and a half ago.  Now, I'm pretty sure there aren't any.  Of course I still love Andrew, but that isn't going any where any time soon.  We had fun in Vegas together for his sister's wedding though.  We held hands which he later apologized for...I thought it was hilarious and frustrating all at the same time, but those are normally my emotions concerning all of our interactions.  He grabbed my ass at one point...didn't apologize for that one.  Interesting boy.  He'll apologize for the cute stuff, but for the inappropriate, nope.  Not gonna happen.  One of these days I will find out that boy's thought process.  The other one is/was my friend's brother (apparently, crushing on my friend's brothers is my thing).  He's a great guy honestly, but he also lives in California.  We did the whole "I like you, well that's funny because I like you too" thing about three weeks ago.  Since then, we talked everyday, basically all day until about four days ago when Operation Silence commenced.  It's his thing.  I don't know why we aren't talking right now and part of me doesn't care--that part is named Pride, she's kind of a huge bitch--but another part is 1) super curious and 2) a little upset by it.  What does this mean?  I have no idea.  If this is his way of calling whatever it was that we were doing off, then ok, but I'd appreciate a little notice.  If he needs a little time to sort his shit out, again, totally cool with that plan, but just say so.  Seriously, what is it with the male population I've had the pleasure of dealing with and their insistence that Operation Incognito is a good plan when dealing with a woman/girl/lady?  Guys...it's a super shitty plan; please concoct a new one, thanks.  Because my pride is a super righteous ass hole these days, my plan seems to be just to wait it out and if he decided to grace me with his conversations soon, awesome.  If not, well that's unfortunate, but I'll deal with it.  He was the one who said not to get attached, so I didn't get attached...well no more than I had been before.  He is one of my friend's big brother...so attachment happens, but only in a friendly sort of way.  I just miss the playfulness of our conversations, but, again, I'll deal.  I'll just read more.  There problem solved...kinda. ;-)  He said we can't have a relationship and I agreed, because, well, we really can't.  He lives super far and isn't planning on moving back any time soon and I would never ask him to, nor would I move for a prospective relationship.  **NOTE: If I ever do move for a prospective relationship, smack me upside the head until the realization of my stupidity sinks in.  Thank you.**  I would love to be the girl he needs me to be, but while I am a virgin and don't actually know what will happen emotionally when I do FINALLY have sex, I do know that I will not be able to keep emotions out of the equation.  I cannot compartmentalize my emotions so I could just keep the emotions in the sack...not happening and that's what he says he wants.  I totally get that he is probably afraid of committed relationships because of a super crappy relationship history, however, we weren't talking committed anything...just play.

On a side note, what is it with guys and wanting naked/topless pictures?  I am so not the girl to ask for this.  I have seen the dangers of this in person to a few of my friends and some of my friend's exes...not happening to me, thank you.  Do you really think these guys delete the pictures when you break up?  Nope.  What happens if their friends/family is going through their phone?  I'm gonna pass, thanks.  Use your imagination and jerk off to that or, better yet, they make porn for a reason kids...don't waste it.  Watch all those people do the things I won't let you and stop asking.  Also, talking dirty...not a skill I really know how to use.  I enjoy hearing it, but come on...I'm a virgin, what experience do I have to go on here?  Give me a pen and paper and I will write you a fairly explicit story, but that whole in the moment thing...my attempts are probably laughable...my subconscious sure got one hell of a kick out of it.  Call me a prude if you want, but I get super embarrassed so all of my dirty talk attempts...are epic fails.  Yeah, I know what turns me on, but expressing it is a whole different story.  Again...my virginity sucks sometimes.  I will wear it like the badge of honor everyone seems to think it is, but that is soooooo not how I see it.  I get it, don't just randomly sleep with the first dick you meet in a bar--hehehe, yes, that pun was intended. you missed it? go back and read it again...--but the few guys, ok, two, I actually want to not sleep with are nowhere to be found.  **Keep in mind I am not including the few celebrities my clothes would literally fall off for...that number would go up...a bit.**

I got a bit off track there.  I was shocked too.  Related to the school update above, I am taking five classes in the fall.  I am pretty excited about it.  However, I went ahead and threw a wrench into the mix because I signed up for a class that STARTS at 7:30am...that's in the MORNING for those slow kids in the back who missed that.  Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of attempting to talk to me in the morning knows how super pleasant (<=sarcasm) I am.  My day should never start before 7:30am...that's when I get up to take a shower...well that's when my alarm goes off, my getting up at the time is in no way directly related to that event.  I have about 15 minutes in between each class and with the way I walk, this doesn't seem like it'll be an issue, but I am going to be sweaty and gross during the summer months...meaning until finals week.  Also, the book lists for these classes makes me weep!  The 7:30 class is the only one that has only one book so I can't drop it now...not that I was going to.  The next lowest is three, then five, six and finally, nine.  REALLY PEOPLE?! NINE BOOKS FOR ONE CLASS?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH? I am a fairly nice person and that seems excessive, but I can't get too mad about that one...it's for an Arthurian Literature class *insert freakishly excited dance here* The only thing I can think of when I see my book list for my classes is, "Holy shit, I am going to have to write a bunch of papers.  I bet my teachers will all get together and make them due on the same day just to fuck with me.... Those rat bastards."  I am so excited to be that teacher!!!

Back to boy news. I started this post yesterday and got a little more wordy than I'd intended so I didn't get to finish.  Because I super enjoy contradicting myself a few hours after making a decision, I text guy#2 last night and started a conversation with "It's been a while" with an undertone of "WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU BEEN TALKING TO ME AFTER YOU  GOT ME ALL ADDICTED TO YOU SCINTILLATING CONVERSATION?!"  So now we are talking again.  It's not super playful, but at least it's a conversation and that's all I need right now.  I also saw Andrew last night and his best friend Nate.  I hid their shoes because they left them out.  Nate left his right in front of the door and that's just impolite and I didn't want him to feel picked on so I hid Andrew's too... hehehe Mom helped and it was awesome.  Andrew is doing that thing where he can't really be in the same room as me for long periods of time and barely says anything to me, but whatever.  The boy still gets up when I tell him to and gives me a hug when I leave even though he has said several times that he won't do that anymore. BWAHAHAHAHAHA...I win.

Alright kiddos, I'm sure you have just about gotten your fill of my snarky ass, so I will leave you for the time being.  Enjoy your life.  I hope it's filled with naps and a lack of stupidity.