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So...I have some of the best friends ever!  They make me happy.  Especially, my best friend, Genny.  She lets me bitch to her about everything and anything under the sun.  Granted her listening skills...not so great sometimes, but she is an angel otherwise.  For instance, not only is she going to be coming to my graduation in May, but she is also going to go down to Tucson with me to look for an apartment.  ANGEL!!!!!  It makes me feel really bad that we haven't been spending much time together lately.  We have just been so very busy.  I have been helping Caylin move lately--its almost done, thank goodness!  She has been working a schedule that is incongruent with mine.  Its not been fun.  My other amazing friend is, Rachel, who sent me a bunch of information regarding Tucson and I love her for it!

On to another topic.  Hmmmm...boys are weird.  I have been reconnecting with another of my "ex-boyfriends"--I put that in quotes because we never went out on a real date, but we were "together" three separate times in three years.  Ben is his name.  He is another one that never kissed me...ever.  I have known him since the fifth grade.  We were always pretty close and always super flirty, but we were also excruciatingly shy.  Now, he lives in Colorado and he started talking to me again because he and his girlfriend of three years broke up.  She was kind of a bitch, not gonna lie.  I don't even know what her name was...but I really don't like her.  Ben is my friend now.  I talked him through the break up and have talked him through many a depressed night since.  We are close again, which is nice.  He just gets kind of weird sometimes when we talk.   Pretty much every time we talk lately, we start to reminisce about the three years we were together intermittently.  He keeps saying how dumb he was to have never kissed me and I totally agree, he was dumb for that.   He also says that he hates how shy he was all the time.  We get kind of flirty sometimes, but I am not sure if he realizes it.  Don't get me wrong, I know that nothing will ever come from this.  As I keep saying, "Two broken people do not a whole make."  I like talking to him and I love being friends with him again, but nothing can happen between us.  I was just remembering the other day that in the eighth grade, you know who was in my house--basically my set of classes--and Ben was in House 6.  Ben and I started going together, I guess you can call it, though we never had an actual date because one or both of us was always in trouble.  Well, you know who decided that he was going to hate Ben and let me know all about it.  At the time, I didn't get it.  I was happy with Ben, so why pay attention to the guy who made fun of my legally blind best friend of the time, Ashley?  (Yes, that is how he and I met, he made fun of Ashley and I ripped him up onside and down the other...after that, he was the perfect gentleman around me.)

Other than that, my brain is, as always, thinking about the man who stole my heart and has yet to return it.  Ok, fine, he didn't steal it, I gave it to him, but still...and maybe I don't really want him to give it back.  I still love him.  As far as I know, he didn't cheat or lie, so I can't really justify cutting him totally out of my life.  I love him, so my heart won't let go even if he doesn't want me anymore.  I understand that I hurt him a lot when I told him he didn't love me, but he doesn't understand why I did it.  Because he never lets me explain, he may never get it.  We may never have another chance, which depresses me to no end.  I've gotta say, thus far in my experience, love sucks.  I really do wish he could understand what happened to me right before we broke up.  I also wish that he could still love me, if he ever did.  I would love to believe that he truly did love me, but the fact that he got engaged to another girl three months after we broke up keeps slapping me in the face.  His best friend, Nathan, said that he never loved her, but THEY WERE ENGAGED!!!  Who gets engaged without love?!!  It makes no sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So...yeah, that's what has been going through my brain these days.  I hope your brains have been calmer than mine.  Have a loverly day(s) until I get back.