13)

Last night completely sucked!  I went over to Caylin's apartment with her to help finish cleaning and let her know if I think she would pass the walk through.  Well, her former roommate and now apparent arch enemy, Chelsea, showed up.  This made Caylin's night absolutely horrible and she was acting like a bitch to Chelsea and completely ignored her.  I wasn't going to be rude when she spoke directly to me.  I answered her questions politely, but I didn't go out of my way to include her in a conversation.  Mostly, I spent the time talking to Jessica, Caylin's other former roommate, while I helped her clean her bathroom...which was filthy, by the way.  Caylin was, for some reason, in her bathroom cleaning, but I had cleaned it the day before, so I was helping Jess.  Because I was being courteous to Chelsea, Caylin got really mad at me.  She apparently felt betrayed, like I was taking Chelsea's side, which was so not the case.  I don't know Chelsea's side and I don't care too.  However, I cannot justify being a total bitch to someone while we are all in the same tiny room cleaning.  Yes, I was upset with Chelsea for not having helped at all with the extensive cleaning we did, but it's not my place to be pissed about.  I wasn't a roommate, I was just helping my sister get her money back.  Honestly, I didn't know what to do.  I was always told to be polite to people even if you don't really like them.  She was talking directly to me, so I answered her questions nicely and went back to talking to Jessica.  Caylin left in a huff to go and get face plates for the outlets that were missing one.  I asked her if she wanted me to stay and help finish clean and she said she didn't care and slammed the door behind her.  Apparently, she called my parents crying.  Well, I got a voice mail from my dad yelling at me and telling me that I yet again let my sister down.  I was officially confused.  I let my sister down by being polite and helping the roommate she likes clean her bathroom?  How is that possible?  Evidently, being courteous to the enemy while we are stuck together in the tiny bathroom, is betraying my sister.  Good to know.  I wasn't becoming best friends with Chelsea; I was barely even talking to her.  We were all laughing at things Jessica said, she is a very funny girl!

Well, when I got home, my parents yelled at me for letting Caylin down.  They didn't even let me explain.  they didn't get my side of what happened.  They just laid into me for using the frelling manners they taught me?  What the hell is that?!  Bullshit, that's what.  After being sent to my room, my dad came in to yell at me some more, but he at least let me talk and say a little bit of my side.  The more he let me talk, the less steam he seemed to have to yell at me.  I am so tired of this whole Caylin runs to mom and dad to bitch about some thing I did without even breaching the topic with me first and then my parents start WW3 with me!  They need to either get both sides of the story before blowing a gasket or butt the hell out.  Caylin needs to learn to settle her own arguments without interference from the parents.  It is really immature that she can't seem to settle anything without mom and dad stepping in, at least not with me.  She doesn't talk to me about any of her problems with me before she runs to them.  IT IS FRELLING BULLSHIT!

After my dad left my room, I got online and checked my facebook, of course.  I had a new message from him.  We have been having a mini conversation again because his birthday was on Sunday and I sent him a happy birthday message and told him to play with a rocket launcher.  I also called him love in the first message.  He said he would love to play with a rocket launcher to which I replied "honey, we all want to play with a rocket launcher," and told him that if he gets me one I would get him one.  His response was that axes and knives were fine, but if I had a rocket launcher, I would get arrested...he also called me sweetheart!  I know I am very likely making way more of that than I should reasonably be, but when I read that, my heart basically jumped out of my chest and did cartwheels on the ceiling!  Basically the second I read the word "sweetheart" in his response, my brain went to the "maybe there is a chance the love isn't dead" place.  I know that is a very dangerous place for me to go, but I couldn't stop it.  I love him so much it hurts.  I want him in my life again and I want to be with him.  I want so much for things to work out between us, it is probably driving me to insanity.  He is the only person in the world that has this kind of a hold on my brain and my heart and let's face it, my heart pretty much rules my brain.  However, with him, my brain and my heart seem to be fond allies...it isn't something I am used to.  I am, yet again, a little happier in love.  Hopefully this lasts and hopefully we keep the lines of communication opening.  I love him enough to wait for him to pull his head out of his ass and hopefully we will get to try again.  I don't want to live with the regret of this failed love for the rest of my life.  Holding it inside--that I love him--is breaking my heart.  I need to tell him, but I am terrified to.  What if he doesn't accept me?  What if it makes him hate me?  What if I lose him forever?  Well...at least he would know how I feel.  I guess that is really all I can ask for now.  I wonder how long I will be able to hold on to this "sweetheart" thing?  Hopefully, he won't kill it too quickly.

I will officially, forever love his mother!  I was talking to her on facebook, as per usual, after the fight with my parents and she made me feel so much better.  I love talking to her!  I feel bad that her own kids apparently don't talk to her as much as I do.  I keep her up to date on my life like I do with my own mom.  Her kids seem to be keeping her in the dark.  I don't know what I would do without some of her advice!  She has saved my brain quite a few times and I will always love her for that!  She is an absolute treasure and I can't believe her own children don't tell her more.  I was the one to tell her that Adam and I are moving in together and that Amber and Jeremy are going to be living together.  That is NOT alright!  I am not her child, they are.  Why was this never discussed?  Why wasn't her advice asked for?  She gives pretty good advice.  It makes me sad when I realize that not everybody has such a relationship with their parents.  I like talking to mine about anything I want.  They give good advice too.  Parents have more experience than we do...why not take advantage of that?

I hope my happy mood can be maintained for at least the rest of the day.  I also hope that you find your happy mood and hold onto it tightly! :-)